Monty Scilon and the Holy Fail Scene 1

Scene 1: You’re really a cult!

1st anon: Who goes there?
King L. Ron: It is I, L. Ron, Creator of the tech, from the Church of Scientology. Founder of the Scilons, defeater of the SP’s, Sovereign of all the Universe!
1st anon: Pull the other one!
King L. Ron: I am, and this is my trusty servant Ann. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of Pre-clears who will join me in my Religion. We do ask that you pay before we tell you anymore, so may I speak with your lord and master.
1st anon: What? About Joining a Church?
King L. Ron: Yes!
1st anon: You’re Really a Cult!
King L. Ron: What?
1st anon: You’re Hiding your works until we pay to get them!
King L. Ron: So? We have a really great religion that will explain all of your Problems and sorrows. It also explains the origins of them and…
1st anon: Where’d you get this knowledge?
King L. Ron: I wrote them.
1st anon: Wrote them?! Claiming that this will help everyone, but we must pay before we are helped?
King L. Ron: What do you mean?
1st anon: Well, for one, Many cults draw people in like you are about to with little knowledge, and then they only tell them important stuff when they give most of their money
King L. Ron: Well we have to keep the religion afloat, so we do charge a little for Auditing and other advance lessons
1st anon: Are you suggesting That every member must pay for these expensive, advanced services.
King L. Ron: Not at all. They can just audit!
1st anon: What? So that they can’t go any higher in the church?
King L. Ron: They can pay for the OT courses then.
1st anon: It’s not a question of whether they go up, it’s a question of availability of this “churches” knowledge to everyone, not just those willing to pay out the nose for religious enlightenment.
King L. Ron: Well, it doesn’t matter. Will you go and tell your master that L. Ron from the Church of Scientology is here?
1st anon: Listen. In order to be a religion, you must make your services open to the public without expecting payment in return. Am I right?
King L. Ron: Please!
1st anon: Am I right?
King L. Ron: I’m not interested!
2nd Anon: It could be considered a Corporation!
1st Anon: Oh, yeah, a Corporation maybe, but not a religion. That’s my point.
2nd Anon: Oh, yeah, I agree with that.
King L. Ron: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my Church?!
1st anon: But then of course a corporation doesn’t pass itself off as a religion.
2nd Anon: Oh, yeah.
1st Anon: So, they are probably a cult anyway…

[The Scilons depart]

2nd Anon: Wait a minute! Suppose that they decide to offer the auditing for free. Would that reform them?
1st Anon: No, they’d still be cut off from all the church’s materials…
2nd Anon: Well, simple! They’d just use the internet!!
1st Anon: What, by gaining access to their sacred OT Documents!?
2nd Anon: Well, why not?!

end scene 1

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